Spring Break
Death by ugly
Why people who buy leopard-skin print handbags should be prosecuted for crimes against humanity and style.
by Joel Herzfeld
News | 12/4/07
Posted online at 1:04 AM EST on 1/15/08
Why do people still pay money for leopard-skin print handbags? They're cheesy, unprepossessing and gaudy, folks. As a matter of fact, they're downright tacky, and anyone who tells you otherwise is either a half-wit boob or a masochist-or perhaps both. And yet, just last week, I was luckless enough to count no fewer than three discrete leopard-print handbags in a single afternoon of riding New York City's subways. This should never happen. Like, ever. Let me break it down for you.
Back in the days of wine and roses, leopard-skin garments were nothing to blow your nose at. When a woman waltzed into a store on Fifth Avenue in a leopard-skin coat with matching hat and gloves, the clerk snapped to attention. Not just any woman could afford to strut her stuff like that. If nothing else, leopard fur was a status symbol.
Of course, those were also the days before any awareness of animal rights or conservation, when it was still business as usual to traffic in leopard pelts. Nowadays, needless to say, things are a bit different. Quite the opposite, in fact. Because the only leopard-skin items on the market are nothing but unabashed simulations. Anyone at all can buy leopard-skin print items, and everyone knows that they're not real leopard. Thus, for a woman today to sport a leopard-skin handbag is self-defeating. It's like buying a faux mink stole and leaving the "Manufactured in Korea" sticker on for everyone to see. It's like buying a fake diamond the size of your fist and setting it in your NASCAR mug.
But perhaps I'm overthinking this. Perhaps my consideration of the leopard-skin garment as a token possession of the morbidly loaded is too detached from the modern conception. Accordingly, let's have a look at some of the other reasons why people might think to buy leopard-skin print garments and accessories.
The most readily conceivable reason is aesthetics. It's also the most terrifying. Are there really still people around who genuinely feel that leopard-skin print clothes make them look good? Sadly, it would seem that there are. The long and short of it is this: Leopards look good in their skin. Leopards need to blend in with the African plains. Leopards are great big killer cats, and the sight of one of them materializing out of the tall grass and swooping in on some unsuspecting gazelle for the kill is truly awe-inspiring.
Back in the days of wine and roses, leopard-skin garments were nothing to blow your nose at. When a woman waltzed into a store on Fifth Avenue in a leopard-skin coat with matching hat and gloves, the clerk snapped to attention. Not just any woman could afford to strut her stuff like that. If nothing else, leopard fur was a status symbol.
Of course, those were also the days before any awareness of animal rights or conservation, when it was still business as usual to traffic in leopard pelts. Nowadays, needless to say, things are a bit different. Quite the opposite, in fact. Because the only leopard-skin items on the market are nothing but unabashed simulations. Anyone at all can buy leopard-skin print items, and everyone knows that they're not real leopard. Thus, for a woman today to sport a leopard-skin handbag is self-defeating. It's like buying a faux mink stole and leaving the "Manufactured in Korea" sticker on for everyone to see. It's like buying a fake diamond the size of your fist and setting it in your NASCAR mug.
But perhaps I'm overthinking this. Perhaps my consideration of the leopard-skin garment as a token possession of the morbidly loaded is too detached from the modern conception. Accordingly, let's have a look at some of the other reasons why people might think to buy leopard-skin print garments and accessories.
The most readily conceivable reason is aesthetics. It's also the most terrifying. Are there really still people around who genuinely feel that leopard-skin print clothes make them look good? Sadly, it would seem that there are. The long and short of it is this: Leopards look good in their skin. Leopards need to blend in with the African plains. Leopards are great big killer cats, and the sight of one of them materializing out of the tall grass and swooping in on some unsuspecting gazelle for the kill is truly awe-inspiring.
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